I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
