One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is Oprah even human
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
