Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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