If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
