Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
