Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
