Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
