I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
