Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
