you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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