DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Text me some of your sweat
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
