Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
