What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
