You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize