mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
