The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
