he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
