yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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