i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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