Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
