OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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