I am spending my child support on dildos
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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