I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
