i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
