UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
