everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
