with your own penis?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
