i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
