What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
