i just identified you from a description of your pipe
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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