The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
