..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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