thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
