Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
