I am in a vortex of obligation.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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