He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
