Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
