Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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