I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
