get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
