I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
