I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
