she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
