do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
