So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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