i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
