It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can I color on your dick again?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
