Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
