well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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