He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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