Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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