I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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