If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
