Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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