just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
