Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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