I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
