Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
