New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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