he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
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STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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