The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We are two peas in an std pod
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
