So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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