I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
