New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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