Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
